Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Fatherhood

Here's a link to a book I wish I'd read years ago "Fatherhood, The Essential Guide," by Author and blogger Tim Atkinson. If I had, I might not be treading on so many land mines. The recent publication of this got me to thinking about  my escapades as a new dad, and also about my own Father. So here is a link to an earlier post about my son.
Mr Bell Jnr and Alex

The following blog is a contribution to fathers around the world, past, present and future.  

To my Father.
Since the death of my Mother a few months ago, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my Father. These thoughts keep spinning round and poking me in the ribs as I try and cope with the relationship with my own son. I’ve been thinking of the Dads who head out of the front door never to be seen by their family alive again, and what impact that must have on their sons and daughters. I’ve even found time to ponder the plight of those Dads who kiss their children goodbye, never to see them return (my own worst nightmare). There was a time in my early twenties where the possibility of not returning home ever again was a reality. I thought about it and considered the impact that might have on my parents, and almost decided that it was going to be worth it. As usual, my Dad interceded on the rift between my mother and myself which narrowly avoided the split. I can’t now begin to think of how much I would have missed him if that had happened. It is almost too depressing to comprehend. My Dad has been, and still is a role model of compassion, dedication, strength and openness, something I try and live up to with my own son. I sometimes wonder if I’m succeeding.

As I am the disciplinarian in the family, I am the one who is seen as the meanie. I tell him every day how much I love him. We cuddle and kiss a lot, and I try to be there for him when he needs me, yet we still tend to butt heads. He’s a strong willed individual who has so much confidence in his little body, it can be a challenge sometimes to get through. I know it is sinking in, as our friends and his teachers all tell us how well behaved he is. However, when he is home, he just pushes those buttons past the point of no return. We always make up, a point I’ve insisted on in our family. No one goes to bed angry. I shudder when I remember the week long silences in our house, the atmosphere so thick you could cut it by the yard.

So Dad, I know what you went through, and I am a better person for your efforts. I love you, and if I ever succeed in becoming as good a father as you have been to me, Alex will be a lucky boy.


Mr Bell Snr and Alex

7 comments:

  1. I am now sitting here, all weepy, with a very attractive snot bubble at one nostril. *blows nose into paper hankie and wipes eyes*

    Ali x

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  2. if only we knew what we know now, as parents, when we were only sons and daughters...I was able to repair the damage between my father and me before he died only to have it transfer to my mother...now i try hard to keep the peace ....while i know my son finds every breath I take the most annoying thing in the universe...good luck!!

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  3. Lovely, thoughtful and heartfelt post W... You don't need the book. But thanks, anyway, for the mention!

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  4. I have one of those strong willed sons, with whom I used to butt heads. He is now 18 and fortunately, appreciates his parents - sometimes more than they deserve.

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