Saturday, February 5, 2011

Where's Wally's Wallet

The folks that know me well will be aware of my complete inability to keep track of my wallet. 
It, apparently, has a mind of its own. 
Before I tell the story, I have to digress slightly to a story that ran in the local press last week, as it is germane to the tale that follows.
A male masseur was reported to the police by one of his female customers for allegedly inappropriate behavior. She reported that she felt something hard pushing into her back as she received a shoulder massage, and immediately assumed (wrongly as it turns out) that he was pressing his erection against her. When the police turned up later the same day to question the alleged pervert, he pointed out to them the large wallet in his trouser pocket.
OK, I’ll avoid any comments about pressing needs etc and get on with the story. 
I was checking in on a friend who is looking after 3 children this week, 2 girls and 1 boy, while the mom of 2 of them was away on business. I told my friend I would look after them all if she needed to get out or just take a break. They had just been to the library and had a whole stack of books to read, so we all sat down on one chair to read them. I had one girl on each knee and the boy standing behind me looking over my shoulder. They are lovely kids, so I was enjoying the moment until I was suddenly, acutely aware that the wallet in my pocket was sticking into one of the girl’s legs. It wouldn't normally have occurred to me, but after you read an article like that, you can see how things can develop. 
I suddenly had visions of her saying to her Mom afterwards, “Wally’s leg was really uncomfortable. There was a big bump in it,” or something to that effect, and knowing my luck, I’d get carted off screaming, “No, really, it was just my wallet, Arghh!!!! So, I took it out, placed it on the table, and promptly left it there.


  1. Such a sad but hilarious post! Sad because such innocent things can be seen to be something they are not.

    My father in law was once shouted at because he lifted a young girl up onto a kiddie ride. Her mother was too busy chatting to notice she couldn't get on. The mother rushed over and told him to leave her little girl alone. FIL was really upset and tried to explain but she was having none of it.

    and hilarious because I know a hundred other men would have done the same!

  2. Ah you need to be hyper wary now, don't you?

    You must develop the habit of putting it into a jacket pocket instead of leaving it lying on tables.

    Maybe it needs to be on a wee bit of string that goes up your sleeves (in manner of winter gloves!)


  3. It is sad but the minority of perverts have ruined what can be an innocent lovely experience and turn it into paranoiac episode ... I like Ali's suggestion of the string through the sleeves .. lol I could do with that :) xx

  4. aaagh......when my son was very small and honing his newly aquired skills in standing to pee, I asked a male friend who was looking after him for the day to go to the loo together and encourage him to 'hold his willy' ...yeah you can probably guess what occured.....junior took him at his word and my poor friend was terrified he would recount the tale of being asked to 'hold Uncle Nige's willy' lost & unfound, again I say, mitten-strings .....fot everything!!

  5. Yes - things are crazy these days. And you can't help but worry that a wrong word could end one in hot water where kids are concerned!

  6. You have to be careful about everything these days! I've had some massage therapists that didn't have wallets in their pockets. I pretended I hadn't noticed.

    Why don't you get one of those chains that goes on your trousers and attaches to your wallet. I could do with something similar myself xx

  7. Thank you, as always for your comments.If I put strings on everything I lose, I'd do a passable job as Pinochio. I'd probably get accused of being into bondage

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