Monday, December 6, 2010

Subaru Central

Re enthused by the spirit of Christmas, I set off this weekend on a hunt for affordable Paper White bulbs. I thought they’d taste wonderful with a little Saffron.

Only kidding, but I will have to make sure they don’t get into the pantry as my eyes are not capable of distinguishing them from Shallots * tries to stop mental image of guests spitting out gobs of Boeuf Bourgignon over new table cloth*.

I set off in our trusty Subaru Outback, safe in the knowledge that if the weather should turn problematic, I’d be able to get home before the turn of the century, unlike most of the residents of Scotland right now.

I headed for Bainbridge Island, and to a favorite nursery in particular, and parked up in the 1st available spot. 30 minutes later, I staggered back with my arms full of bags which were also full of bulbs, and gamely fumbled around in my trouser pocket for the keys. I clicked the open trunk (boot) thingy and heard the car beep, so I pulled on the door handle to open it, and, well, nothing happened. I clicked again, and still nothing . By this time, the bags were starting to answer to gravity’s call and I was doing a game impersonation of the Humpback of Notre Dame playing twister, when I heard a rather stern and irritated voice behind me. I turned round to see a rather tall and elegant lady scowling at me.

“What are you doing trying to open my car?” she asked in a firm, but very reasonable voice.

I looked ate her, then turned round to look at the car I was trying to gain entry to, and realized that it was, in fact, not my car. I had completely managed to fail to notice that the car in question was clean, new, uncluttered by kiddie toys, books and assorted detritus of family life.

It wasn’t even the same colour.

By now, I’d given up all pretence of trying to keep the bags and bulbs from scattering across the car park, as I tried to explain, both verbally and with complicated gestures that I was not trying to break into her car as she thought, but was really just totally incapable of paying attention to what I was doing. As I backed off, I pressed the buttons on the control in my trouser pocket again, and opened the door to the Subaru in the next space over.

“See, I do have a car, just like yours” I said, just as the bag of ladies underwear and shoes fell out of the back onto the ground. By the time I had put these back in the car, she had made her escape, and the sound of squealing tires and scrunching Paper White bulbs could be heard for miles.

Message to self;

Get a 2 CV. It might be easier to find.


  1. I have done exactly the same thing in LA with my green Prius. Paperwhites are a very good idea. Thank you for the suggestion.

    Miss W

  2. My Paper Whites have flowered already and are on the wane. Enjoy yours at a more seemly season. I hate having a nondescript car that resembles all the other nondescript cars. This post made me miss my lime green Aztek. That was never a problem to locate even in crowded Christmas parking lots.

  3. What are paperwhites?
    Thanks foryour comment on my blog. I hope you are right. I have tried to make hime realise that if he wants money he has to earn it and he has been working for the last 2 years to fund his car and socialising. I'll keep you posted

  4. We've got a Scooby - they're great work-horses of cars, aren't they?

    This made me laugh, Legend!

    There was an advert youtube that I posted on FB a week ago that might make you smile if you haven't already seen it!

    I am ashamed to say that I bought bulbs the day I bought the new mini and they are still sitting, in their net bags, in the kitchen, waiting to be planted!

    #massivealantitchmarchfail #kitchenpoisoner

  5. it wasn't even the same colour!! Hello....definately time to put your name in your mittens...

  6. Hilarious.
    We both have Subarus they *actually* cant be beaten in the snow.They've been a godsend these last few weeks.
    Can you remember your car reg no?We had a lady diner who regularly lost her car in car parks so kept a handy little card in her purse with the model,colour and reg no on,just in case...

  7. Dear Legend, very funny! I'm impressed you're out buying bulbs already.

    My dad bought a new car and he was so excited about it he managed to leave the dog in the back of the old one on the garage forecourt. It wasn't until he was about ten miles away that he remembered the dog... then realised the car or the interior weren't the colour he ordered!

    The Actor has an Italian Job style mini which we are constantly losing. It's so small I joke that he got it out of a Christmas cracker xx

  8. Thank you everyone for your comments and sympathy. Alas I think it is time to take Y@H's advice and get things printed on the inside of my mittens. I did manage to get the bulbs in the containers and watered, and if I don't lose them in the house somewhere, they might end up giving off their intoxicating scent by the time January hits us all.

  9. That is so funny .. my husband has done the same thing .. Did you see the youtube video about the man scraping his car and then opening it only to find it was the car in front ? I have sent it to you :) xx

  10. It's happened to me though I keep trying to open people's Audis instead of my Golf...


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