I was sitting in my new local eating establishment yesterday called the Snapdragon, which also happens to serve my favorite beer (Georgetown Brewery's Lucille IPA for the record) when my attention was nabbed by a very large lady sitting in the corner who was
She had a perfectly serviceable knife and fork by her plate, but decided that force could get the food into her mouth more quickly, I presume. It was so full, she could hardly close it. While I was in mid gawp, she picked up another large slice, and before she had finished the first one, she started to shove the second one into an already full mouth. I was transfixed. It was like watching a Boa Constrictor eating a baby pig, only with more napkins and oozing tomato sauce.
I've come to the conclusion that it is almost impossible to eat food in the USA without smearing most of it across your face. In a recent article in one of Mrs Legend's magazines, they highlighted 6 burgers to "Give your summer a real sense of place". I assume the place they mention is a bed in the emergency ward at your local hospital, judging by the ingredients and the sheer size of these towering comestibles.
I swear they must have had someone behind the burgers holding the bloody things up. They look great in a photo, but try eating one of these monsters and you end up spilling half of the contents onto the table top (or worse, your shirt and trousers). The rest gets smeared over your cheeks.
I wish I had made investments in paper napkins, I'd be a wealthy man by now