Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Tax Man cometh


It is still a month and a half until my taxes are due to be completed and I'm already sweating. It was hard enough trying to understand the questions on the tax form when I was employed, but this year, I have part employment, part unemployment and a very small part of self employment. My brain is starting to throb already. For those of you who have never experienced this annual torture, here's a sample of some of the questions you have to answer.

If you are married and filing jointly, use form HD 24, but not form HD 24 ES. If you are married and not filing jointly, use form HD 24.6 and attach all records of purchases made in the last 5 years from your vacations to Mexico, together with a list of your next door neighbor's album collection, minus the Barry Manilow sections.
If you are single and not filing jointly, subtract the number of children you have from the total amount of your great grandfather's pension (forms are available in the vault at the National Archives) and add this amount to column 5 on form HD 34-256, but do not include any income he may have earned since his death.
If you are single and filing jointly, you might need some professional help.
Add the totals from column 6 in form 32 EF to the totals from form HD 34.6, but not the totals from column 8 in form HD 12 ( That goes to the totals from forms FP 31,2,3 and 8 inclusive) and multiply by the number of bowel movements you had last week.
Enter all data in blood using a carving knife.
Failure to disclose any information will render you liable to a fine of $50,000, or  a week's worth of indenture to Donald Trump.

My hands are getting clammy just thinking about it. I'd better go calm down and find a sharp carving knife.


11 comments:

  1. Feeling your pain through my laughter. I've just done my corporate year-end what a nightmare. I am employed, also self-employed, and contract-employed. And an office in our house, as well as in another building which I own so I collect rent and taxes on that which need filing as well.
    I love my accountant and those book-keeper people, I'd pay them anything when they take it off my hands as even organizing the information sends me round the bend.
    I just read your last post re half term bliss so hilarious!

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    1. Oh Dani, my heart is bleeding just thinking about it.

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  2. Sounds like you should just employ the services of an accountant, Wally! Tartarus has to do that or else we'd never keep on top of our own tortured fiscal position.

    In the UK, the Barry Manilow section of the music collection IS included. Depending on your Tax Inspector ;-)

    Ali x

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    1. I tell myself every year I should be able to do this, and I do eventually, but I lose several years of life and gain a few more grey hairs in the process. Time to pass it on instead of passing out:)

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  3. Oh Wally it has been way to long between our visits, I was happy to see you and already smiling when I made my way to your place knowing I was going to be entertained as always:)

    I am over joyed that you found some sort of inspiration and a place to site taking in the view over at my place :)

    Have a creative weekend, inspiring all who need.
    xx
    Dore

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    1. I'll post it when it is finished, credit yo you.

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  4. Ah! Sounds a nightmare, rather you thn me!

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    1. I'd rather bang my head againsta brick wall. It wouldn't hurt so much:)

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  5. aagh..... I pay a man to take away the pain and fill in the forms.....every penny well spent i feel, it makes my eyes bleed just reading it!!!

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  6. I know exactly how you feel.Currently providing details for sons student loan application and I feel like I need a degree to complete it:0

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    1. Mine is still a few years away, so maybe just count this as practice.

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